7

I keep having quick flashbacks to that moment where I fell on my face and lost my tooth. I cracked it off and buried half of it deep into my lower lip. I didn’t realize the damage I’d done until I was confronted with the bad news two mornings later by a doctor named Sokol. I planned on going to class that morning, but I was getting surgery instead.

My nose was brown and dark purple. My shins were bruised and hurt when I walked. I now had two sets of stitches in my lips, a tooth that was yanked out and replaced by a metal plate that was drilled deep into my bone. I felt so stupid.

When I told my mother, she responded by telling me she was already on the way to the airport. She was telling me not to go anywhere. That she was flying up to New York in order to tend to me for three days. I didn’t realize how alone I was, and how useless I felt, until I tried falling asleep while my mother dabbed ice on my face. She had a hard time staying as calm as she appeared. She hated seeing her son like this. 

A few days have passed, and my face obviously still hurts. Some friends visited me. But they’re gone now. My mother is gone now.

Everyone has their lives. I am trying to get back mine, but this slow healing process has given me all the time in the world to overanalyze every aspect of it first. I started this process the night I fell.

That night I went to bed with my mouth still bleeding. I figured the tooth was a simple chip, and that my mouth would eventually cease bleeding. As I lay on my back trying to sleep, swallowing blood, I started to thoroughly inspect and ponder every facet of my life. I did not sleep that night. 

I lay on my back for eight hours, hallucinating, analyzing the mistakes and choices of my life that led me to this point in time. I realized two things. One of them was a very basic realization that my todestrieb was alive and well. The other was a confident decision to slow down and improve my life.

The sun rose, and I went to see the doctor. I’m not sure where I’m going, but that day blasted me off in another direction entirely. 

  1. marcomc2 posted this